Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Anti-YAGM

Yep, I bet that title caught your attention. No, I’m not suddenly turning against YAGM. I actually feel more confident in the fact that I am in the right place. Let me explain…

For those of you familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality test, I recently found out that I am a pretty solid ESTJ.

For those of you not familiar, this means that I tend to be logical, realistic, and organized. I tend to make decisions based on my head, not my heart. I am horrible at small talk, but great at accounting.

Sounds super “YAGM-y”, right?

Umm... If you ask me, the answer would probably be NO.

First of all, it’s not like I didn't know this about myself. I was always the one girl in the group who didn't cry while watching Marley & Me and the one who would rather do accounting homework than go to a party.

For a long time, I struggled with certain aspects of my personality. This struggle was heightened when I began my journey with YAGM. To me, a “perfect YAGM” should be deep, thoughtful, great at small talk, and definitely cry at least twice a week.

The struggle between my personality (logical, realistic, “thinking” instead of “feeling”, etc.) and my perception of what a YAGM “should” be (personable, emotional, and of course a major crier) was something that nearly consumed me for quite some time.

Why don’t I cry very often?
Why don’t I sit and write deep thoughts in my journal every night?
Why can’t I easily make meaningful conversation with others?
Why don’t I write deep, inspirational blog posts that bring people to tears?
Why can’t I be like what a YAGM “should” be?

These are questions that were floating through my head all the time. I was convinced that I was the “anti-YAGM.” Pretty dramatic, I know.

However, I think it took me hitting that low point (as well as some awesome conversations with our great country coordinators) to realize that I’m not actually the “anti-YAGM.” I’m just another human being trying to live in the world. I’m just another unique person called to live in a different country for a year. I’m just me.

I have finally learned that there is no “perfect YAGM” and that YAGM is not just for the future pastors and the deep and emotional criers. It is for anyone who feels the need to discover the world and its citizens in a new way. It is for anyone who knows God is working around the world, but wants to see it for themselves. It is for anyone God calls to take a leap of faith.

And apparently it is for me, in all of my logical, awkward, realistic, and dry-eyed glory.

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